Father-in-law: Ladies and gentlemen, and friends of my daughter. There comes a time in every wedding reception when the man who paid the for the damn thing is allowed to speak a word or two of his own. And I should like to take this opportunity, sloshed as I may be, to say a word or two about Martin. As far as I'm concerned, my daughter could not have chosen a more delightful, charming, witty, responsible, wealthy, let's not deny it, well-placed, good-looking and fertile young man than Martin as her husband. And I therefore ask the question "Why the hell did she marry Gerald instead?"... because Gerald is a sort of man we used to describe at school as a complete prick! If I may use a gardening simile here, if his entire family may be likened to a compost heap (and I think they can) then Gerald is the biggest weed growing out of it. I think he's a sort of man people emigrate to avoid. I remember the first time I met Gerald, I said to my wife (she's the lovely woman propping up that old lush of a mother of his) either this man is suffering from serious brain damage or the new vacuum cleaner's just arrived. As for his family, they are quite simply the most intolerable herd of steaming social animals that I have ever had the misfortune of turning my nose up to. I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog. I would like to propose a toast to the caterers. And to the pigeons who crapped on the groom's family's limousine at the church. Er....as for the rest of you around this table not directly related to me, you can f*ck off. I wouldn't trust any of you to sit the right way on a toilet seat.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
So, yeah. So the Pagan religion had very big festivals, remember, on Easter and Christmas. The Christian religion came along and had very big festivals, at Easter and Christmas. Jesus died on one and was born on the other. ( doubting sounds ) ‘Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, "Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no!" So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it? You know, people going, "Remember, kids," the kids who're eating the chocolate eggs,
"Jesus died for your sins."
"Yeah, I know, it's great!”
“No, no no, it's bad, it's bad!”
“ No, it's bad! It's very bad. It's terrible! Whatever you want, just keep giving me these eggs."
And the bunny rabbits! Where do they come into the crucifixion? There were no bunny rabbits up on the hill going, "Hey, what, are you going to put those crosses in our warrens? We live below this hill, all right?" Bunny rabbits are for shagging, eggs are for fertility. It's a festival - it's the spring festival!
Christmastime, you know, Jesus born to a big jolly guy in a red jacket.
"Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho, baby Jesus! And what would you like for Christmas?"
"Peace on Earth and goodwill towards men."
"Well, what about a clockwork train?"
"Oh, yes, much better. Forget peace on earth, I don't care.”
And, you know, the Christmas fir tree, there's none of them in Nazareth. The “partridge in a pear tree” song was not sung at the Last Supper. They weren't there going,
" 'And a partridge in a pear tree. Five goold rings!' Come on, loosen up, Judas."
"Oh, all right..."
" 'On the seventh day of Christmas...’ Judy, come on, Judy, loosen up."
"Don't call me Judy, I've told you!"
"Oh! Can you lend us a fiver, Judy? I'm a bit short."
"All right, lads, Leonardo da Vinci's painting the picture, so everyone get your positions, here we go.""Jesus, why are you doing the big arms thing?"
"Well, I don't know… I just thought I'd do a big arms thing, I don't know."
"Well, I'm going to do a big arms thing as well."
"Yeah, me too! I'll call that the big arms..."
"Look, we can't all do big arms! We'll look like a squadron of Spitfires, for fuck's sake! I'll do big arms and you just look at me and go, 'Ooh, he's doing big arms.' "
"Leonardo, have you got that one? Have you got the painting? All right, now a fun one as well, ‘member...( mocking laughter ) "
Professor Daniel Everett, author of Don't Sleep, There Are Snakes, discusses the importance of preserving dying languages. He describes his experience living with the Piraha people in Brazil, and explores what Piraha, both the people and the language, can teach us about human nature.
On this video he explains the idea of "xibipiio," a way of life he encountered while studying the language of the Amazonian Piraha tribe. Everett, a former Christian missionary, was challenged to rethink his faith after learning the Piraha's concept of experiential liminality.
Complete video at:
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
In Japan, the crane is a holy or mystical creature and is said to live for 1000 years. An ancient Japanese legend promises that anyone who folds a thousand origami cranes will be granted a wish. And no one needs those wishes more than the people of Japan, following the devastating earthquake and tsunami.
How to make an origami crane (If you get lost following the instructions on the video, click here: 3D video instructions)