Tuesday, May 31, 2011

The Killers - Human

Are we human or are we dancer? No s. Human and dancer are both adjectives describing people, that is why there is no s. As an adjective human means free thinker, that we can do what we want when we want. Dancer refers to a puppet dancing on string. having someone move you where they want you to go, thinking for you, and living our life like a routine that is all planned out.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Catherine Tate - Complaining about international food

Janice and Ray are a couple from Beverley, East Yorkshire who express their disgust at the various signs of multi-culturalism in their very British circle. Sources of outrage include restaurant meals, due to their perception of over-pricing or the exotic nature of the food such as grapes in a brie cheese sandwich. They perceive global foods as adulterated British fare and view such culinary transgressions as personal assaults - finally responding with their catchphrase "The dirty bastards!"

Northern moaners Janice and Ray complaining about gazpacho with croutons ("It's cold tomato soup with tiny bits of stale bread") served at a wedding reception in Pudsey.

The northern moaners compaining about being served sushi. "This is in Nagasaki! The dirty, evil, raw fish guzzling bastards!"

And French sandwiches with no bread.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Greatest Marriage Proposal EVER!!!

My girlfriend Ginny gets taken to the movie theater to see "Fast Five". After a preview for the Hangover 2, a trailer for a movie comes on. A trailer I made of her father and I where I ask her father for her hand in marriage. After he gives me permission, I race off to the theater she is at to ask her to marry me. What she doesn't know is our familiy and friends are in the theater with her watching the whole thing, along with about 100 strangers ;-)

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Monty Python - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! (or the Spanish revolution...)

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition...

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Yes, lord.
Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
Fang: The...Comfy Chair?
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!
Ximinez: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. Is that really all it is?
Yes, lord.
I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
I confess!
Not you!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Learn About Mother's Day

Catherine Tate - The Tired Mother

Catherine Tate - The Aga Saga mother

The character of the Aga Saga woman makes fun of  the stereotype of the pretentious middle classes having an Aga oven at home. An Aga saga is a type of popular novel, set in middle England and populated by the middle classes of the sort that typically own Aga cookers. Agas are kitchen ranges, often very large and expensive, that are seen as epitomizing the prosperous and cosy middle-class English country lifestyle.

Catherine Tate - The working mother

Angie Barker, Working Mother - The Catherine Tate Show

Smack the Pony - Mother's juice

French and Saunders - Mothers

Thursday, May 5, 2011

President Bush Reacts to Osama Bin Laden's Death with Will Ferrell

Barack Obama sent Navy Seal Team 6 to take out Osama Bin Laden in Abbottabad and made a statement confirming it on Sunday night. Former President George W. Bush finally responds to who and what has been terrorizing him for years.

Good evening. Tonight, as of 14:00 hours military time, I can report to America, the world and the folks here at the Sizzler steakhouse on Canyon Ranch Road – right outside my gate-guarded community in Dallas, Texas where I frequently eat lunch – that I've personally overseen a strategic and covert operation that killed the gopher who's been tearing up my backyard. This gopher has been responsible for terrorizing Laura's fruit trees and diggin' up holes all over the yard, causing me to trip and fall over them no less than 15 times a day. 

Buddy, go around, just go around.

None of us will ever forget that day when that sucker first reared its gopher head. I was reading Us magazine on the toilet when I heard a scuffle outside and ran to find my copy of The Dallas Morning Union Tribune Ledger Guardian newspaper was missing.

Then two years ago, a reliable source, my gardener Alberto de Mendía, identified a head gopher, who I named Ardilla, because that's Spanish for gopher and it's also real fun to say. Then last August, after years of painstaking work by my white staff, and my Mexican staff, I was briefed on a possible lead to Ardilla. We found out it was hiding deep inside a hole just 100 yards north of the jacuzzi-hot tub area.

Today, at my direction, Alberto de Mendía, my gardener/guide, who helps me get down from my horse Chocolate Thunder went in and rooted out the gopher while I watched through the blinds of my second kitchen. After a ferocious 40-minute firefight involving a lot of hissing, a garden hose and a rake, my staff killed Ardilla the gopher and took custody of his body. The gopher was buried in accordance with gopher burial traditions — it was wrapped in a bathroom mat, and thrown in my neighbor's yard.

So I repeat, Ardilla, the gopher is dead. God bless America, and God bless the Sizzler although it would be better this Sizzler had a taco bar. Some of them do.

Sir, they've killed Osama Bin Laden.

They've got Bin Laden? Well, that's two good things .

There also is a taco bar here.

There's a taco bar here?! That's three good things. This a great day for America. How did I miss it? Show me where it is.

Right this way.

How would I've missed it? I combed this place over, you know.

I understand, sir.

a gopher

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Osama Bin Laden Dead: Obama Speech

THE PRESIDENT: Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children.

It was nearly 10 years ago that a bright September day was darkened by the worst attack on the American people in our history. The images of 9/11 are seared into our national memory -- hijacked planes cutting through a cloudless September sky; the Twin Towers collapsing to the ground; black smoke billowing up from the Pentagon; the wreckage of Flight 93 in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, where the actions of heroic citizens saved even more heartbreak and destruction.
And yet we know that the worst images are those that were unseen to the world. The empty seat at the dinner table. Children who were forced to grow up without their mother or their father. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child’s embrace. Nearly 3,000 citizens taken from us, leaving a gaping hole in our hearts.
On September 11, 2001, in our time of grief, the American people came together. We offered our neighbors a hand, and we offered the wounded our blood. We reaffirmed our ties to each other, and our love of community and country. On that day, no matter where we came from, what God we prayed to, or what race or ethnicity we were, we were united as one American family.
We were also united in our resolve to protect our nation and to bring those who committed this vicious attack to justice. We quickly learned that the 9/11 attacks were carried out by al Qaeda -- an organization headed by Osama bin Laden, which had openly declared war on the United States and was committed to killing innocents in our country and around the globe. And so we went to war against al Qaeda to protect our citizens, our friends, and our allies.
Over the last 10 years, thanks to the tireless and heroic work of our military and our counterterrorism professionals, we’ve made great strides in that effort. We’ve disrupted terrorist attacks and strengthened our homeland defense. In Afghanistan, we removed the Taliban government, which had given bin Laden and al Qaeda safe haven and support. And around the globe, we worked with our friends and allies to capture or kill scores of al Qaeda terrorists, including several who were a part of the 9/11 plot.
Yet Osama bin Laden avoided capture and escaped across the Afghan border into Pakistan. Meanwhile, al Qaeda continued to operate from along that border and operate through its affiliates across the world.
And so shortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda, even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network.
Then, last August, after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible lead to bin Laden. It was far from certain, and it took many months to run this thread to ground. I met repeatedly with my national security team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had located bin Laden hiding within a compound deep inside of Pakistan. And finally, last week, I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to get Osama bin Laden and bring him to justice.
Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.
For over two decades, bin Laden has been al Qaeda’s leader and symbol, and has continued to plot attacks against our country and our friends and allies. The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation’s effort to defeat al Qaeda.
Yet his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that al Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must –- and we will -- remain vigilant at home and abroad.
As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with Islam. I’ve made clear, just as President Bush did shortly after 9/11, that our war is not against Islam. Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader; he was a mass murderer of Muslims. Indeed, al Qaeda has slaughtered scores of Muslims in many countries, including our own. So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.
Over the years, I’ve repeatedly made clear that we would take action within Pakistan if we knew where bin Laden was. That is what we’ve done. But it’s important to note that our counterterrorism cooperation with Pakistan helped lead us to bin Laden and the compound where he was hiding. Indeed, bin Laden had declared war against Pakistan as well, and ordered attacks against the Pakistani people.
Tonight, I called President Zardari, and my team has also spoken with their Pakistani counterparts. They agree that this is a good and historic day for both of our nations. And going forward, it is essential that Pakistan continue to join us in the fight against al Qaeda and its affiliates.
The American people did not choose this fight. It came to our shores, and started with the senseless slaughter of our citizens. After nearly 10 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, as Commander-in-Chief, have to sign a letter to a family that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of a service member who’s been gravely wounded.
So Americans understand the costs of war. Yet as a country, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been killed. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to al Qaeda’s terror: Justice has been done.
Tonight, we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counterterrorism professionals who’ve worked tirelessly to achieve this outcome. The American people do not see their work, nor know their names. But tonight, they feel the satisfaction of their work and the result of their pursuit of justice.
We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism, and unparalleled courage of those who serve our country. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of the burden since that September day.
Finally, let me say to the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 that we have never forgotten your loss, nor wavered in our commitment to see that we do whatever it takes to prevent another attack on our shores.
And tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed on 9/11. I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet today’s achievement is a testament to the greatness of our country and the determination of the American people.
The cause of securing our country is not complete. But tonight, we are once again reminded that America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it’s the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our citizens; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the world a safer place.
Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Thank you. May God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.