Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas 2.0

Little Britain - Baby Jesus

Christmas was first celebrated in Britain in 1986 to commemorate the birth of Lord Martin Christmas.
- You're going to be reading in church today.
- Yeah, I know.
- What do you want to wear? I'll put the iron on.
- Baby Jesus.
- What about the baby Jesus?
- I wanna go dressed as the baby Jesus.
- Hmm. I'm not really sure that's a good idea. I know you like the baby Jesus.
- I love the baby Jesus.
- I'm not sure dressing as him will go down well. It's gonna be a right kerfuffle, making you up a baby Jesus outfit at such short notice.
- Baby Jesus.
- And now Andrew Pipkin is going to read for us from the Gospel according to Saint Matthew. Andrew.
- "And so it came to pass that Mary and Joseph made their way to the city of Bethlehem. They sought high and low for refuge, but there was no room at the inn..." I look a pillock...

Mini mini saga competition

These are the two winning mini sagas in my Advanced 1 group from 12 to 13:30:


Mommy was angry. My teacher had told her that I was lazy. Mommy punished me. I had to study the multiplication tables.
I have finished! - I lied.
OK, what is 4x4? 
It's a car.
And, what is 2x1?
It's an offer
Mommy shouted at me. I did not understand why!


Two birds found bread. They didn't trust each other, so they asked a monkey to split it in two parts and put them on the scales. As the parts were unequal, he ate from the bigger, but never reached the exact amount, so he continued trying until nothing was left.

The Top 10 Viral Videos of 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Catherine Tate - Nan on Christmas Day

Father Ted - Christmas Lights

Father Ted (1995-1998) was a television situation comedy set on the extremely remote fictional Craggy Island off the west coast of Ireland.The main characters were Father Ted, Mrs Doyle (the housekeeper), the simple-minded Father Dougal and the permanently drunk Father Jack.

Dougal is very excited about Christmas and wants to open all the pictures of his advert calendar. Dougal and Father Jack try to guess what's behind tomorrow's window.

Hey, they aren't or they are, Ted. Oh, wait now.
Wait, taht's it. God, they're gone again. Right, one minute Ted, keep it like that! No, gone! Oh God, Ted! That's it Ted! You're a genius! There again! Wait. Gone. Back. Gone. Back. Gone. Back.
Dougal, just sit down.
Oh, Ted! Can I open a another window on the advent calender first?
All right then, but remember you're just allowed to open today's window.
Ah, shepherd, great! Fantastic stuff!
Oh God, Ted, can I open the other two?
No, Dougal.
Oh, God, I can't wait to see what's under tomorrow's window. I bet it's a donkey or something.
All right, so, you've changed from your initial prediction of ... what was it again? Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed, wasn't it?
God almighty, Dougal, where do you get these things? I bet it's just a lovely angel. What do you think's under tomorrow's window, Father?
A pair of feckin' women's knickers!

Santa Claus is Indian!

Daddy, is Santa Claus really coming tonight?
Yes, yes, ready, let's get you all tucked up and I'll tell you the story of Father Christmas. Now, every Christmas Eve Santa loads up his sled with presents that his littles elves have been busy making all year long. Then he hitches up his reindeer, flies from his grotto in Jalandhar to deliver ...
Where's his grotto?
Jalandhar. Then he flies ...
But I thought Santa lives at the North Pole.
Father Christmas Indian! Think about it yar: big beard, huge belly, terrible suit : Indian!
Then he goes out to his ...
But what about Rudolph?
Ranjit the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nuk
and all the little pixies had to clean up the muck
Santa shat in the chimney it really blocked up the flue and the following Christmas, the whole family turned Hindu.