Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Christmas 2.0

Little Britain - Baby Jesus


SCRIPT
Christmas was first celebrated in Britain in 1986 to commemorate the birth of Lord Martin Christmas.
- You're going to be reading in church today.
- Yeah, I know.
- What do you want to wear? I'll put the iron on.
- Baby Jesus.
- What about the baby Jesus?
- I wanna go dressed as the baby Jesus.
- Hmm. I'm not really sure that's a good idea. I know you like the baby Jesus.
- I love the baby Jesus.
- I'm not sure dressing as him will go down well. It's gonna be a right kerfuffle, making you up a baby Jesus outfit at such short notice.
- Baby Jesus.
- And now Andrew Pipkin is going to read for us from the Gospel according to Saint Matthew. Andrew.
- "And so it came to pass that Mary and Joseph made their way to the city of Bethlehem. They sought high and low for refuge, but there was no room at the inn..." I look a pillock...

Mini mini saga competition

These are the two winning mini sagas in my Advanced 1 group from 12 to 13:30:

UNTITLED MINI SAGA (by Noelia)

Mommy was angry. My teacher had told her that I was lazy. Mommy punished me. I had to study the multiplication tables.
I have finished! - I lied.
OK, what is 4x4? 
It's a car.
And, what is 2x1?
It's an offer
Mommy shouted at me. I did not understand why!

NEUTRAL JUDGE (by Jaouad)

Two birds found bread. They didn't trust each other, so they asked a monkey to split it in two parts and put them on the scales. As the parts were unequal, he ate from the bigger, but never reached the exact amount, so he continued trying until nothing was left.

The Top 10 Viral Videos of 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Catherine Tate - Nan on Christmas Day

Father Ted - Christmas Lights

Father Ted (1995-1998) was a television situation comedy set on the extremely remote fictional Craggy Island off the west coast of Ireland.The main characters were Father Ted, Mrs Doyle (the housekeeper), the simple-minded Father Dougal and the permanently drunk Father Jack.

Dougal is very excited about Christmas and wants to open all the pictures of his advert calendar. Dougal and Father Jack try to guess what's behind tomorrow's window.

SCRIPT
Hey, they aren't or they are, Ted. Oh, wait now.
What?
Wait, taht's it. God, they're gone again. Right, one minute Ted, keep it like that! No, gone! Oh God, Ted! That's it Ted! You're a genius! There again! Wait. Gone. Back. Gone. Back. Gone. Back.
Dougal, just sit down.
Oh, Ted! Can I open a another window on the advent calender first?
All right then, but remember you're just allowed to open today's window.
Ah, shepherd, great! Fantastic stuff!
Oh God, Ted, can I open the other two?
No, Dougal.
Oh, God, I can't wait to see what's under tomorrow's window. I bet it's a donkey or something.
All right, so, you've changed from your initial prediction of ... what was it again? Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed, wasn't it?
God almighty, Dougal, where do you get these things? I bet it's just a lovely angel. What do you think's under tomorrow's window, Father?
A pair of feckin' women's knickers!

Santa Claus is Indian!


SCRIPT
Daddy, is Santa Claus really coming tonight?
Yes, yes, ready, let's get you all tucked up and I'll tell you the story of Father Christmas. Now, every Christmas Eve Santa loads up his sled with presents that his littles elves have been busy making all year long. Then he hitches up his reindeer, flies from his grotto in Jalandhar to deliver ...
Where's his grotto?
Jalandhar. Then he flies ...
But I thought Santa lives at the North Pole.
India!
Father Christmas Indian! Think about it yar: big beard, huge belly, terrible suit : Indian!
Then he goes out to his ...
But what about Rudolph?
Ranjit!
Ranjit the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nuk
and all the little pixies had to clean up the muck
Santa shat in the chimney it really blocked up the flue and the following Christmas, the whole family turned Hindu.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

England but...



In England we have lousy weather but the girls are always half naked. We live on an island, but you get there by train. We have a Queen, but her husband is only a prince. We built the EC, but in the end we kept the pound. We have dominated the world, but also we liked to be dominated. We invented football, but our national team is run by an Italian. We have the most ridiculous police uniforms, but somehow it seems to work. We love a well-tailored suit, but we also love a well-tailored dress. We don’t know how to cook, but we make good biscuits.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Psychoville - Halloween Special

A clip with Mr Jelly, the hook-handed children's entertainer, from the "Psychoville Halloween Special" which will air on 31st October 2010 at 10pm on BBC 2.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A bit of Fry and Laurie - Halloween

Ever wondered how to react when a group of children arrive on your doorstep dressed in ghoulish clothes? Never fear, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are on hand to provide some great advice for you in this funny video from BBC sketch show classic 'A Bit of Fry & Laurie'.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Mr Bean - First Aid

 Mr Bean is first on scene when a man has a heart attack at the bus stop. He manages to revive him with a set of jump leads.

Comedy Inc. - First Aid

Comedy Inc. was an Australian sketch comedy television series, which ran on the Nine Network from 1 February 2003 to 26 December 2007.

A bit of Fry and Laurie - At the doctor

Monday, May 31, 2010

I'm sorry, I do not speak English.

Pete Seeger - English is cuhrayzee


Statler & Waldorf


Statler: That was wonderful!
Waldorf: Bravo!
Statler: I loved it!
Waldorf: Ah, it was great!
Statler: Well, it was pretty good.
Waldorf: Well, it wasn't bad...
Statler: Uh, there were parts of it that weren't very good though.
Waldorf: It could have been a lot better.
Statler: I didn't really like it.
Waldorf: It was pretty terrible.
Statler: It was bad.
Waldorf: It was awful!
Statler: It was terrible!
Waldorf: Take 'em away!
Statler: Bah, boo!
Waldorf: Boo!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Friday, May 28, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Little Britain - Harvey and Jane






Harvey and Jane are a young couple in love, just like any other. Only thing is, Harvey's a bit of a mummy's boy and just can't cut the apron strings. As they plan their wedding and future lives together, everything stops when Harvey wants bitty.

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Hollies

The Hollies are an English rock group formed in Manchester in the early 1960s. Known for their distinctive vocal harmony style, they became one of the leading British groups of the era. Along with the Rolling Stones, they are one of the few British pop groups of the early 1960s that has never officially broken up and which continues to record and perform to the present.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother


The air that I breathe

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Women's Aid - Domestic Violence

Keira Knightley stars in this shocking new short film, directed by Joe Wright and brought to you by Women's Aid - the UK's domestic abuse charity.


A video for children - to show what domestic abuse is and to help them identify whether it's happening in their family home.

Weird Al Yankovic - Amish paradise

Amish faceless dolls


The Amish are known for their strong religious beliefs that are reflected in their simplelife style. They do not use many of our modern day conveniences. They live much like people did in the early 1900's. Their strong beliefs influence every part of their lives, their dress is plain and simple, and so are the dolls they make for their children.

In the Bible, in Exodus and Deuteronomy, it says you are not supposed to make any thing (to worship) that is in the image or likeness of male or female. That is why Amish do not put faces on their dolls. It is also not uncommon for both the girls and the boys to have dolls.

The Amish



Not far from the hustle and bustle of city life live the Amish of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. These deeply religious people shun the conveniences of modern society to live a simpler life where transportation is a horse and buggy and horsepower really means horsepower.

The Amish are very devout and take seriously the biblical commands to separate themselves from the things of the world including electricity. Power comes from propane, kerosene, wood, coal, or natural gas.

As the world around the peaceful farmland changes, so have some of the traditions of the Amish. Transportation is no longer limited to horse-drawn buggies. "There is a division among the Amish over the automobile. One group got automobiles, another group kept the horse and buggy. we just simply name them old order -- drive the horse and buggy, and the new order -- drive the automobiles. They have electricity, they have meeting houses and they don't have green shades."

But many traditions remain. Amish children attend one-room schoolhouses through grade eight and farming is the mainstay of Amish life. There are normally two horses on a farm for buggies. Several mules are kept for farming. Milking is one of the most important sources of income on the farm.

Many Amish leaders believe their separation from the outside world strengthens their community. And that community is thriving. Despite what many on the outside would describe as a backwards lifestyle, the Amish population in Lancaster County has almost tripled over the past half century.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Musician explains volcano's name



Eyjafjallajokull - pronounced roughly ay-uh-fyat-luh-yoe-kuutl – has confused many people and has proven especially testing for newsreaders more accustomed to easier
words, or simply English.

The name is three Icelandic words formed into one by a process linguists call “agglutination”, where separate ideas are put together to form a composite idea.

In this case, Eyjafjallajokull means “island-mountain-glacier”, so some have concluded it may not refer to the volcano at all but, more accurately, “the glacier on the
mountain which looks like an island”.

It is likely the volcano has been called many things that are not its proper name since it threw up vast plumes of ash clouds and forced airspace across Europe to be
closed.

Eliza Geirsdottir Newman, the musician in question, performed her song to the broadcaster Al Jazeera to help people remember the correct pronunciation.

Playing a ukulele, she sang: “Eyjafjallajokull is a long, long name/ For such a small glacier, with such notorious fame/ And Eyjafjallajokull has caused quite a stir/ And no-one can fly anywhere except the birds/ Please stop it Eyjafjallajokull.”

Source: The Telegraph

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

WORD OF THE MONTH MAY 2010: TWITTER AND TWEET


What would you get if you took a blog, an instant messenger, and a social network and mixed them all together in a blender? Probably something like Twitter. A mini-blogging service that lets you update your friends on what you are doing at that moment. Twitter allows blog posts of only 140 characters, which is just large enough for a sentence, or two if they are short. These messages, called tweets, are then sent out -- via web or mobile phone -- where your friends can find them.



Stephen Fry on Twitter:

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Nelly Furtado -I'm like a bird


In this song, Furtado sings about how she values her freedom. In an interview with MTV, Furtado said: "On first look it seems like a love song. But then someone was saying the other day, 'You should've had homeless people in your video.' And it would make sense, too, in a way. Just the idea of being a nomad and liking to wander a lot is a big part of who I am. I have a restlessness about me."

The dangers of drinking with George Clooney

Legendary film producer Jerry Weintraub tells the story of an epic drinking contest between himself, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt on a private jet returning home from a shoot in Italy. He explains that in addition to passing out drunk with double vision, he had an unpleasant surprise waiting for him when ...

Monday, May 3, 2010

(RED) The Lazarus Effect Campaign 40 cents = 2 lifesaving pills

The Lazarus Effect Campaign equates the relative value of 40 cents by comparing trivial items worth 40 cents e.g. a stick of gum, a smear of lipstick — to the value of one day's worth of life transforming antiretroviral medication.

The campaign, directed by renowned photographer Brigitte Lacombe, features Bono, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Julianne Moore, Naomi Watts, Claire Danes, Alek Wek, Iman, John Turturro, Toni Collette, Hugh Jackman, Orlando Bloom, Lucy Liu, Gabourey Sidibe, Kerry Washington, Bryan Cranston, LeAnn Rimes, Jane Lynch, Michelle Rodriguez, Gwen Stefani, Hayden Christensen, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Don Cheadle, Ludacris, Common, Benicio Del Toro, Dakota Fanning, Christy Turlington and the Jonas Brothers.


For 40 cents I got an egg.
I got gum.
I got a hair net.
A kazoo.
A candy necklace.
An orange.
A band aid.
For 40 cents I got one of these.
I got a really great hat.
I got half a song.
Extra mayonnaise.
A stamp.
Helium.
Some bling.
Some fries.
A balloon dog.
Fabric softener.
This much of a Shirley Temple.
I got a moustache.
An apple.
Sprinkles.
15 minutes of parking and a ticket.
Lipstick.
2 pills a day is what it takes to stay alive if you're HIV positive. These pills cost about 40 cents a day.
Lunch bag.

NOTES

The kazoo is a wind instrument which adds a "buzzing" timbral quality to a player's voice when one vocalizes into it.

Bling (also bling-bling) is a slang term popularized in hip hop culture, referring to flashy or elaborate jewellery and ornamented accessories that are carried, worn or installed, such as cell phones or tooth caps. Often associated with rappers.

A Shirley Temple (also known as a Grenadine Lemonade) is a non-alcoholic mixed drink made with Sprite or 7 Up and mixed with grenadine syrup garnished with maraschino cherries and a slice of orange. Orange juice is often added, especially in Canada. It is often served to children dining with adults to let them share the experience of drinking a cocktail, which is why it is sometimes called a kiddie cocktail.

Queen - Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Your choice

The Equality and Human Rights Commission in Wales's new animated campaign film 'Your Choice' is a result of the winning entry of our Wales-wide animation competition. The winning ideas 'Your Choice' come from a group of children from Coryton Primary School in Cardiff, targeting bullying, prejudice and discrimination. The script and ideas has been animated by award-wining animation company Calon and will be screening in cinemas in Wales this summer.

Friday, April 30, 2010