Friday, March 23, 2012

Ding Dong Denny's History of Ireland

A tourist walks into a Dublin pub looking for directions and encounters Ding Dong Denny O'Reilly at the bar. Ding Dong insists on telling him the "real" history of Ireland over a number of pints. From the Normans to the Famine to 1916 and the sex shops of O'Connell Street, we hear Ding Dong Denny's delusional take of events that shaped Ireland. Ding Dong is a comic creation of comedian Paul Woodful, and is his first adventure into animation. 

Winner Best Digital Film Digital Media Awards 2008, Winner Grand Prix Award, Digital Media Awards 2008. 
Produced by Brian Gilmore 
Directed by Cathal Gaffney 
Written and narrated by Paul Woodful

Tourist: Excuse me; is this the rendezvous point for the Heritage Tour?

Ding Dong Denny: Ah, tourists. How’s it going?
‘Suppose you’ve been traipsing around old local areas of interest. Well you wouldn’t want to be mindin’ any of the shite that they be talking in them places. Propaganda’s all that stuff is. Now park your arse there, I’ll tell you the real history of Dublin.

Ah, fair play to you.

Well it all more or less started in the 9th century when the Vikings arrived. They used Dublin as a place to chill out after they’d raped and pillaged the cultures of the surrounding areas. They had these horny helmets, longboats, battle axes and blondie hair. Course, these blondes had too much fun and were buttered out by a shower called Normans. Scared? Well it’s not exactly the scariest name for an invading army is it? But it turned out the Normans were well hard and gave everybody an awful kicking. See, they had these longbows, which made shite of the Danes’ battle axes and the Irish hands. The Normans though build grand wooden walls around the city; then the English arrived, didn’t like them and rebuilt them in stone, you know, just to show off. You know, everything with them was in stone. Except, of course, the agreements they had with us, which they broke whenever they bloody well felt like it.

Anyway, I know we can laugh at the famine now, but it was dreadful at the time; so many of our beautiful buildings and books were eaten during the famine. Ah, but that was years ago.

Now, the 20th century, in 1916, we had a rising, where we took over a post office and a biscuit factory. If we had taken over the breweries, we would have controlled the whole country. And least when we were caught the next morning, we’d have had the excuse of ‘we did what?’. Eventually, the English did a legger in 1922. It was ours, what are we going to do with it?

The church set up concentration camps for unmarried mothers known as Magdalene laundries. Mind you, our dream of not having to work was realised when industry after industry collapsed. I’m afraid the swinging ‘60s deborturous lifestyle in Ireland was mainly confined to church institutions and so, today, would you look at the place. I tell you, once you’d have woken up in Dublin in a drunken stupor and thought you’d had died and gone to heaven. But now, the English have bought us over. A fancy sex shop overlooks where the declaration of independence was read out. There was no sex in 1916, I’ll tell you. We were only interested in getting out of bondage in them days.

So there you are.

Hey, where d’ya think you’re going? Sit down there and I’ll tell you the real story of the Middle East.

Better make that a double, it’ll take a while.

Well we start way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam and his pet dinosaur were going for a nice stroll…

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