Christmas 2.0

Little Britain - Baby Jesus

SCRIPT

Christmas was first celebrated in Britain in 1986 to commemorate the birth of Lord Martin Christmas.

- You're going to be reading in church today.

- Yeah, I know.

- What do you want to wear? I'll put the iron on.

- Baby Jesus.

- What about the baby Jesus?

- I wanna go dressed as the baby Jesus.

- Hmm. I'm not really sure that's a good idea. I know you like the baby Jesus.

- I love the baby Jesus.

- I'm not sure dressing as him will go down well. It's gonna be a right kerfuffle, making you up a baby Jesus outfit at such short notice.

- Baby Jesus.

- And now Andrew Pipkin is going to read for us from the Gospel according to Saint Matthew. Andrew.

- "And so it came to pass that Mary and Joseph made their way to the city of Bethlehem. They sought high and low for refuge, but there was no room at the inn..." I look a pillock...

Mini mini saga competition

These are the two winning mini sagas in my Advanced 1 group from 12 to 13:30:

UNTITLED MINI SAGA (by Noelia)

Mommy was angry. My teacher had told her that I was lazy. Mommy punished me. I had to study the multiplication tables.

I have finished! - I lied.

OK, what is 4x4? 

It's a car.

And, what is 2x1?

It's an offer

Mommy shouted at me. I did not understand why!

NEUTRAL JUDGE (by Jaouad)

Two birds found bread. They didn't trust each other, so they asked a monkey to split it in two parts and put them on the scales. As the parts were unequal, he ate from the bigger, but never reached the exact amount, so he continued trying until nothing was left.

The Top 10 Viral Videos of 2010

Catherine Tate - Nan on Christmas Day

Father Ted - Christmas Lights

Father Ted (1995-1998) was a television situation comedy set on the extremely remote fictional Craggy Island off the west coast of Ireland.The main characters were Father Ted, Mrs Doyle (the housekeeper), the simple-minded Father Dougal and the permanently drunk Father Jack.

Dougal is very excited about Christmas and wants to open all the pictures of his advert calendar. Dougal and Father Jack try to guess what's behind tomorrow's window.

SCRIPT

Hey, they aren't or they are, Ted. Oh, wait now.

What?

Wait, taht's it. God, they're gone again. Right, one minute Ted, keep it like that! No, gone! Oh God, Ted! That's it Ted! You're a genius! There again! Wait. Gone. Back. Gone. Back. Gone. Back.

Dougal, just sit down.

Oh, Ted! Can I open a another window on the advent calender first?

All right then, but remember you're just allowed to open today's window.

Ah, shepherd, great! Fantastic stuff!

Oh God, Ted, can I open the other two?

No, Dougal.

Oh, God, I can't wait to see what's under tomorrow's window. I bet it's a donkey or something.

All right, so, you've changed from your initial prediction of ... what was it again? Ruud Gullit sitting on a shed, wasn't it?

God almighty, Dougal, where do you get these things? I bet it's just a lovely angel. What do you think's under tomorrow's window, Father?

A pair of feckin' women's knickers!

Santa Claus is Indian!

SCRIPT

Daddy, is Santa Claus really coming tonight?

Yes, yes, ready, let's get you all tucked up and I'll tell you the story of Father Christmas. Now, every Christmas Eve Santa loads up his sled with presents that his littles elves have been busy making all year long. Then he hitches up his reindeer, flies from his grotto in Jalandhar to deliver ...

Where's his grotto?

Jalandhar. Then he flies ...

But I thought Santa lives at the North Pole.

India!

Father Christmas Indian! Think about it yar: big beard, huge belly, terrible suit : Indian!

Then he goes out to his ...

But what about Rudolph?

Ranjit!

Ranjit the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nuk

and all the little pixies had to clean up the muck

Santa shat in the chimney it really blocked up the flue and the following Christmas, the whole family turned Hindu.

Comedy Inc. - Police sketches

Ronald Reagan on the Air Traffic Controllers Strike (August 3, 1981)

President Ronald Reagan speaks about the air traffic controllers strike. He states very clearly that if the striking union workers do not report to work in 48 hours, they will be fired from their jobs.

Oliver! - You've Got To Pick A Pocket Or two

Oliver Twist trailer

Van Morrison - Have I told you lately (that I love you)

Lyrics | Van Morrison lyrics - Have I Told You Lately lyrics

Charlie bit my finger...again!

This is one very famous Little Brother:

Charlie bit my finger is the most viewed YouTube video of all time.

Coldplay - Yellow

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

Air New Zealand - Crazy About Rugby

Bare essentials of safety from Air New Zealand

Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger - I Was Sure I Could Do It

Katie Couric speaks with Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger about the final moments before U.S. Airways Flight 1549 made a dramatic landing in N.Y.'s Hudson River.

Flight 1549 Cockpit Audio

Alain de Botton on airports

Lady Gaga - Fashion

Lyrics | Lady GaGa lyrics - Fashion lyrics

The Debenhams fashion dictionary

As if there wasn't enough clothes vocabulary to learn!
Check this out:
The Debenhams fashion dictionary

The Kinks - Dedicated follower of fashion

This song makes fun of the hedonistic frivolity and fashion-consciousness that had characterized the Carnaby Street-based  'Swinging London' scene of the mid-1960s.

Smack the Pony - Fashion

Suit up! (How I Met Your Mother - Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit)

Suit up

The Way trailer and Martin Sheen's invitation to visit Galicia

Tripod- Astronaut

Is Europe a Country?

Americans are NOT stupid

Guy Fawkes' Night

England but...

In England we have lousy weather but the girls are always half naked. We live on an island, but you get there by train. We have a Queen, but her husband is only a prince. We built the EC, but in the end we kept the pound. We have dominated the world, but also we liked to be dominated. We invented football, but our national team is run by an Italian. We have the most ridiculous police uniforms, but somehow it seems to work. We love a well-tailored suit, but we also love a well-tailored dress. We don’t know how to cook, but we make good biscuits.

Psychoville -The Joy of Birth

Psychoville - The Birthing Pool

Psychoville - Halloween Special

A clip with Mr Jelly, the hook-handed children's entertainer, from the "Psychoville Halloween Special" which will air on 31st October 2010 at 10pm on BBC 2.

A bit of Fry and Laurie - Halloween

Ever wondered how to react when a group of children arrive on your doorstep dressed in ghoulish clothes? Never fear, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are on hand to provide some great advice for you in this funny video from BBC sketch show classic 'A Bit of Fry & Laurie'.

Mr Bean - First Aid

 Mr Bean is first on scene when a man has a heart attack at the bus stop. He manages to revive him with a set of jump leads.

Comedy Inc. - First Aid

Comedy Inc. was an Australian sketch comedy television series, which ran on the Nine Network from 1 February 2003 to 26 December 2007.

A bit of Fry and Laurie - At the doctor

Monty Python - The argument clinic

Borat - Dating Service

Click on the picture below to help you understand this video.

It's Jerry Time - Speed dating

Life explained in graphs

Thanks, Conchi B.

Lionel Richie - Say you, say me

Main theme from the movie "White Nights" (1985).

Norah Jones - Don't know why "Y" didn't come

Norah Jones - I Don't Know Whay y Didn't Come

Mr Bean - Back to school

I'm sorry, I do not speak English.

Pete Seeger - English is cuhrayzee

Statler & Waldorf

Statler: That was wonderful!
Waldorf: Bravo!
Statler: I loved it!
Waldorf: Ah, it was great!
Statler: Well, it was pretty good.
Waldorf: Well, it wasn't bad...
Statler: Uh, there were parts of it that weren't very good though.
Waldorf: It could have been a lot better.
Statler: I didn't really like it.
Waldorf: It was pretty terrible.
Statler: It was bad.
Waldorf: It was awful!
Statler: It was terrible!
Waldorf: Take 'em away!
Statler: Bah, boo!
Waldorf: Boo!

Mika - Relax (take it easy)

Lyrics | Mika lyrics - Relax (Take It Easy) lyrics

The Cranberries - Dreams

The Very Hungry Caterpillar and The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle

These are two of my children's favourite books:


And here's an interview with the author on the 40th anniversary of The Very Hungry Caterpillar:

Tim Minchin - Some People Have It Worse Than Me

Monty Python - Little Red Riding Hood

Click on View Full Size on the Glog to see the video and read the script:

Little Britain - Harvey and Jane

Harvey and Jane are a young couple in love, just like any other. Only thing is, Harvey's a bit of a mummy's boy and just can't cut the apron strings. As they plan their wedding and future lives together, everything stops when Harvey wants bitty.

Katy Perry - I kissed a girl

The Crystals - Then He Kissed Me

This hour has 22 minutes - Romance

The Hollies

The Hollies are an English rock group formed in Manchester in the early 1960s. Known for their distinctive vocal harmony style, they became one of the leading British groups of the era. Along with the Rolling Stones, they are one of the few British pop groups of the early 1960s that has never officially broken up and which continues to record and perform to the present.

He ain't heavy, he's my brother


The air that I breathe

Women's Aid - Domestic Violence

Keira Knightley stars in this shocking new short film, directed by Joe Wright and brought to you by Women's Aid - the UK's domestic abuse charity.

A video for children - to show what domestic abuse is and to help them identify whether it's happening in their family home.

Weird Al Yankovic - Amish paradise

Amish faceless dolls

The Amish are known for their strong religious beliefs that are reflected in their simplelife style. They do not use many of our modern day conveniences. They live much like people did in the early 1900's. Their strong beliefs influence every part of their lives, their dress is plain and simple, and so are the dolls they make for their children.

In the Bible, in Exodus and Deuteronomy, it says you are not supposed to make any thing (to worship) that is in the image or likeness of male or female. That is why Amish do not put faces on their dolls. It is also not uncommon for both the girls and the boys to have dolls.

The Amish

Not far from the hustle and bustle of city life live the Amish of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. These deeply religious people shun the conveniences of modern society to live a simpler life where transportation is a horse and buggy and horsepower really means horsepower.

The Amish are very devout and take seriously the biblical commands to separate themselves from the things of the world including electricity. Power comes from propane, kerosene, wood, coal, or natural gas.

As the world around the peaceful farmland changes, so have some of the traditions of the Amish. Transportation is no longer limited to horse-drawn buggies. "There is a division among the Amish over the automobile. One group got automobiles, another group kept the horse and buggy. we just simply name them old order -- drive the horse and buggy, and the new order -- drive the automobiles. They have electricity, they have meeting houses and they don't have green shades."

But many traditions remain. Amish children attend one-room schoolhouses through grade eight and farming is the mainstay of Amish life. There are normally two horses on a farm for buggies. Several mules are kept for farming. Milking is one of the most important sources of income on the farm.

Many Amish leaders believe their separation from the outside world strengthens their community. And that community is thriving. Despite what many on the outside would describe as a backwards lifestyle, the Amish population in Lancaster County has almost tripled over the past half century.

Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter

This hour has 22 minutes - Sex and advertising

This hour has 22 minutes - Placebo ad

This hour has 22 minutes - Art break

Weird Al Yankovic - I'll sue

Monty Python - Courtroom

Monty Python - Probe-around on crime

The Sketch Show UK - English Study Group

The Catherine Tate Show: Bernie - Hypnosis

Big Train - Hypnotherapy

Musician explains volcano's name

Eyjafjallajokull - pronounced roughly ay-uh-fyat-luh-yoe-kuutl – has confused many people and has proven especially testing for newsreaders more accustomed to easier
words, or simply English.

The name is three Icelandic words formed into one by a process linguists call “agglutination”, where separate ideas are put together to form a composite idea.

In this case, Eyjafjallajokull means “island-mountain-glacier”, so some have concluded it may not refer to the volcano at all but, more accurately, “the glacier on the
mountain which looks like an island”.

It is likely the volcano has been called many things that are not its proper name since it threw up vast plumes of ash clouds and forced airspace across Europe to be
closed.

Eliza Geirsdottir Newman, the musician in question, performed her song to the broadcaster Al Jazeera to help people remember the correct pronunciation.

Playing a ukulele, she sang: “Eyjafjallajokull is a long, long name/ For such a small glacier, with such notorious fame/ And Eyjafjallajokull has caused quite a stir/ And no-one can fly anywhere except the birds/ Please stop it Eyjafjallajokull.”

Source: The Telegraph

WORD OF THE MONTH MAY 2010: TWITTER AND TWEET

What would you get if you took a blog, an instant messenger, and a social network and mixed them all together in a blender? Probably something like Twitter. A mini-blogging service that lets you update your friends on what you are doing at that moment. Twitter allows blog posts of only 140 characters, which is just large enough for a sentence, or two if they are short. These messages, called tweets, are then sent out -- via web or mobile phone -- where your friends can find them.

Stephen Fry on Twitter:

Symphony in slang (1951, directed by Tex Avery)

Symphony in Slang

Nelly Furtado -I'm like a bird

In this song, Furtado sings about how she values her freedom. In an interview with MTV, Furtado said: "On first look it seems like a love song. But then someone was saying the other day, 'You should've had homeless people in your video.' And it would make sense, too, in a way. Just the idea of being a nomad and liking to wander a lot is a big part of who I am. I have a restlessness about me."

The dangers of drinking with George Clooney

Legendary film producer Jerry Weintraub tells the story of an epic drinking contest between himself, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt on a private jet returning home from a shoot in Italy. He explains that in addition to passing out drunk with double vision, he had an unpleasant surprise waiting for him when ...

This hour has 22 minutes - Dr House

Smack the Pony- Foreign Complaint

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - Hugh Laurie interviews Michael Jackson

(RED) The Lazarus Effect Campaign 40 cents = 2 lifesaving pills

The Lazarus Effect Campaign equates the relative value of 40 cents by comparing trivial items worth 40 cents e.g. a stick of gum, a smear of lipstick — to the value of one day's worth of life transforming antiretroviral medication.

The campaign, directed by renowned photographer Brigitte Lacombe, features Bono, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Julianne Moore, Naomi Watts, Claire Danes, Alek Wek, Iman, John Turturro, Toni Collette, Hugh Jackman, Orlando Bloom, Lucy Liu, Gabourey Sidibe, Kerry Washington, Bryan Cranston, LeAnn Rimes, Jane Lynch, Michelle Rodriguez, Gwen Stefani, Hayden Christensen, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Don Cheadle, Ludacris, Common, Benicio Del Toro, Dakota Fanning, Christy Turlington and the Jonas Brothers.

For 40 cents I got an egg.
I got gum.
I got a hair net.
A kazoo.
A candy necklace.
An orange.
A band aid.
For 40 cents I got one of these.
I got a really great hat.
I got half a song.
Extra mayonnaise.
A stamp.
Helium.
Some bling.
Some fries.
A balloon dog.
Fabric softener.
This much of a Shirley Temple.
I got a moustache.
An apple.
Sprinkles.
15 minutes of parking and a ticket.
Lipstick.

2 pills a day is what it takes to stay alive if you're HIV positive. These pills cost about 40 cents a day.
Lunch bag.

NOTES

The kazoo is a wind instrument which adds a "buzzing" timbral quality to a player's voice when one vocalizes into it.

Bling (also bling-bling) is a slang term popularized in hip hop culture, referring to flashy or elaborate jewellery and ornamented accessories that are carried, worn or installed, such as cell phones or tooth caps. Often associated with rappers.

A Shirley Temple (also known as a Grenadine Lemonade) is a non-alcoholic mixed drink made with Sprite or 7 Up and mixed with grenadine syrup garnished with maraschino cherries and a slice of orange. Orange juice is often added, especially in Canada. It is often served to children dining with adults to let them share the experience of drinking a cocktail, which is why it is sometimes called a kiddie cocktail.

Queen - Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon

Your choice

The Equality and Human Rights Commission in Wales's new animated campaign film 'Your Choice' is a result of the winning entry of our Wales-wide animation competition. The winning ideas 'Your Choice' come from a group of children from Coryton Primary School in Cardiff, targeting bullying, prejudice and discrimination. The script and ideas has been animated by award-wining animation company Calon and will be screening in cinemas in Wales this summer.

Little Britain - Computer says no

At the bank




At the travel agent's




At the hospital reception