Saturday, May 21, 2011

Monty Python - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! (or the Spanish revolution...)




Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition...

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde:
I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez:
Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!
Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez:
Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde:
I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez:
Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!
Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles:
It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez:
Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles:
Yes, lord.
Ximinez
Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!
Fang: The...Comfy Chair?
Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!
Ximinez: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. Is that really all it is?
Biggles:
Yes, lord.
Ximinez:
I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles:
I confess!
Ximinez:
Not you!

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