Self-learning EOI Coruña: A Bit of Fry and Laurie

Showing posts with label A Bit of Fry and Laurie. Show all posts

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - A Good Night's Sleep

Monday, October 10, 2011

A bit of Fry and Laurie - Psychic Spoon Bender

Hugh and Stephen are sitting in a TV studio. There is a table lamp. Hugh has an annoying accent.

Stephen Now, Mr Nude, you claim ...

Hugh That's right, I do claim, I do ...

Stephen Yes, you claim to be able to bend spoons with psychic energy ...

Hugh Psychic energy, yes, that is the method I have chosen, to bend spoons, yes.

Stephen How long have you had this ability?

Hugh How long, precisely, that's absolutely right.

Stephen Well?

Hugh Indeed, you are very sympathetic, thank you. It's very difficult when people are not sympathetic, but you are very sympathetic.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh No, thank you.

Stephen Can you do other things with spoons, apart from bend them?

Hugh Yes of course I can. I can do anything with a spoon.

Stephen Can you?

Hugh Indeed I can. Give me a spoon, and I will give you the world.

Stephen Well that's a very impressive claim, certainly.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen That's alright. Well Mr Nude, we have some spoons here. Perhaps you'd care to give us a demonstration?

Hugh I am not a circus freak, you know.

Stephen I realise that.

Hugh Some people think I am a freak. I am not a freak.

Stephen Well I'm sure that nobody here ...

Hugh "Freak!" They sometimes shout at me in the street.

Stephen Do they really? That's awful.

Hugh But you are very sympathetic.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen Would you care to have a go at bending this spoon for us?

Hugh Thank you, yes I will bend this spoon.

Stephen Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Nude is now going to bend this spoon using psychic energy.

Hugh That's right, now is when I'm going to bend it.

Stephen Go ahead, Mr Nude.

Hugh quite plainly bends the spoon with his hands.

Hugh Thank you very much, you are all very sympathetic.

Stephen Well the spoon is certainly bent.

Hugh Of course it is bent. Of course it is. I bent the spoon, so, of course it is bent.

Stephen Yes, that much is clear and without argument.

Hugh Forgive me, I am very tired now. To bend a spoon is very tiring, and I have bent too many spoons today.

Stephen How many spoons have you bent today?

Hugh Four spoons today. It is too much. I am not a freak, you know. I am a human being.

Stephen Forgive me, Mr Nude ...

Hugh Of course.

Stephen Thank you.

Hugh Thank you.

Stephen But from where I was sitting, it looked rather as if you just bent the spoon with your hands.

Hugh What are you saying?

Stephen I'm saying that ...

Hugh What is this?

Stephen It's a bent spoon.

Hugh There.

Stephen Oh quite, the question is how did you bend it?

Hugh I don't know how much I like you now.

Stephen Well, I'm sorry.

Hugh Before I thought you were very sympathetic ...

Stephen Well I hope that ...

Hugh But now, I think you are not so sympathetic. Now, I don't like you.

Stephen I'm sorry to hear that.

Hugh At all.

Stephen Are you sure it isn't "fraud" that people shout at you in the street, rather than freak?

Hugh It is you who make the claims. I have always been honest. I bend the spoons with psychic energy, I have told you. I never claimed to be able to bend them with my hands. That is your claim.

Stephen And you did bend it with your hands.

Hugh The spoon is bent, that is enough. Perhaps it does flow through my hands this psychic energy of which you claim. It may be. Certainly the spoon is bent. Therefore I bent it.

Stephen I can bend a spoon with my hands too.

Hugh I have never said that my powers are unique. Always have I striven to teach the world that anyone may bend a spoon. My book is not expensive.

Stephen bends a spoon.

Stephen There.

Hugh To think I found you sympathetic. I hate you now.

Stephen Well next week I shall be examining the claims of a man who says that in a previous existence he was Education Secretary Kenneth Baker and I shall be talking to a woman who claims she can make flowers grow just by planting seeds in soil and watering them. Until then, wait very quietly in your seats please. Goodnight.

Hugh (Simultaneously) If viewers living in the Matlock and Buxton areas of Derbyshire would be so kind as to inspect their cutlery drawers at home they will find that they contain a bent spoon and an unused Weetabix special offer coupon. I can also reveal that everyone in the town of Datchett over the age of fourteen has a slight itch just above the right thigh which they are scratching as I speak. Thank you.

Monday, September 26, 2011

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - Names

SCRIPT
- Hello.
- Certainly. Well, as you can see, we've had lots of letters, erm, in response to our name quest.
- Yes, we know that most of you out there have met people with amusing or unusual names.
- And so we asked you to send in and write and tell us what names they were.
- Yes, and what corkers you've sent us. Thanks so much.
- Yes, I've, for instance, got a letter here. "Dear Mr Fry and Laurie, There is a man who comes to wash my windows once a month whose name is Jervillian Swike. It always makes me laugh a great deal." That was sent in by Mr Suckmaster Burstingfoam of Ipswich.

This is an absolute favourite of mine here. "Dear A Bit of Fry & Laurie, I was at school with a boy called Donald Duck and later went out with a woman named Soilia Piffin. Yours, Peter Cummin-Myear."
-5 pounds on its way to you, Mr Cummin-Myear.
Well, then here's another. "Dear 'A Bit of Fry & Laurie', My wife's first husband was called Simon Coggie. I still split my sides whenever I hear that stupid name. Yours faithfully, Frigmy Popplehate-Fresharse."

- Well, absolutely tremendous response all around. Thanks so much to those of you who sent these in. Meanwhile...

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - 'Your name, sir?'

Stephen is a police sergeant, writing down the particulars of an arrest at the station counter. Hugh is on the other side, looking sheepish.

Stephen: And the vehicle belongs to you, does it sir?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: And your name is?

Hugh: Right. Hold on a second. (Hugh gets a lighter out of his pocket) Ready?

Stephen: Yes.

Hugh: My name is Derek ... (Hugh drops the lighter onto the counter)

Stephen: What are you doing?

Hugh: That's my name.

Stephen: What is?

Hugh: This. Derek ... (Hugh drops the lighter again)

Stephen: That's your name?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: What? Derek (Stephen drops the lighter) ... is your name?

Hugh: Yes.

Stephen: What kind of name is that?

Hugh: Well it's my name.

Stephen: Unusual, isn't it, Mr ... (Drops lighter)?

Hugh: If I had a pound for every time someone's said that ...

Stephen: And how do spell ... (Drops lighter), Mr ... (Drops lighter)?

Hugh: It's as it sounds.

Stephen: Uhuh. Yeah but I wonder if you'd mind actually spelling it for me, would you?

Hugh: Well I mean, can't you just ...

Stephen: I'd be very grateful. If you wouldn't mind.

Hugh: N-I-P-P-L hyphen E.

Stephen: Nipple.

Hugh: I beg your pardon?

Stephen: Nipple.

Hugh: Nipple? Where? What are you talking about?

Stephen: N-I-P-P-L-E ...

Hugg: Hyphen E.

Stephen: Hyphen E ... spells Nipple. In my book. It does not spell ... (Drops lighter).

Hugh:Have you gone mad? What's the matter with you? I thought the modern policeman was supposed to be a highly trained law enforcement unit. You can't even spell.

Stephen: Alright, Mr Nipple, address? Hugh looks around. What's your address?

Hugh: Are you talking to me?

Stephen: Yes.

Hugh: You want to know my address?

Stephen: Please.

Hugh: Or do you want to know Mr Nipple's address, whoever he is?

Stephen: Your address please, sir.

Hugh: Alright. My address is Number twenty-two ... (Hugh tapdances, slaps Stephen) ... Kings Lynn.

Stephen: Now watch it.

Hugh: What?

Stephen: Just watch it.

Hugh: Watch what, for heaven's sake?

Stephen: You do realise, do you, that assaulting a police officer is an extremely serious offence?

Hugh: Yes, I imagine it probably is. Very serious. But telling a police officer your address, on the other hand, is probably not very serious, is it? Or is it? Perhaps the law's changed since I last looked. Perhaps the Home Secretary has had to take stern measures against the rising tide of people giving their address to policemen whenever they're asked to.

Stephen: Alright. Alright. My fault. Ask a stupid person and you get a stupid answer.

Hugh: I beg your pardon?

Stephen: So, can I just check this with you, Mr ... (Drops lighter) ... ?

Hugh: What?

Stephen: Just to make sure I've got this right. Your address is ... number twenty-two ... (Tapdances, punches Hugh) ... Kings Lynn?

Hugh: No, no, no! What's the matter with you? Are you deaf? It's ... (Tapdances, slaps Stephen) ... Kings Lynn.

Stephen: Oh I'm sorry. I though you said ... (Tapdances, punches Hugh) ... Kings Lynn.

Hugh: Well I didn't.

Stephen: My apologies sir. I can't read my own writing.

Hugh: Well get a typewriter.

Stephen: If only we could afford it. Actually, at some angles, this almost looks like ... twenty-two ... (Tapdances, hits Hugh with a cricket bat) ... Kings Lynn.

Hugh: That was too hard.

Stephen: Oh I'm sorry sir. You're right. We really should get a typewriter.

Hugh: That was too hard.

Stephen: Well sir, you must admit that it's an unusual address for anyone to get the hang of ...

Hugh: Never mind the fucking sketch! That was too hard. That really hurt.

Stephen: Oh diddums. Did the nasty actor hit the poor little twerp ...

Hugh: Fuck off. Hugh exits.

Stephen: (To camera) He's just a child really.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

A bit of Fry and Laurie - Halloween

Ever wondered how to react when a group of children arrive on your doorstep dressed in ghoulish clothes? Never fear, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie are on hand to provide some great advice for you in this funny video from BBC sketch show classic 'A Bit of Fry & Laurie'.