Monty Python - Bomb on a plane

First Pilot          This is Captain MacPherson welcoming you aboard East Scottish Airways. You'll

                          have had your tea. Our destination is Glasgow. There is no need to panic.

Badger             There's a bomb on board this plane, and I'll tell you where it is for a thousand  

                          pounds.

Second Pilot    I don't believe you.

Badger             If you don't tell me where the bomb is... if I don't give you the money... Unless you 

                          give me the bomb...

Stewardess     The money.

Badger             The money, thank you, pretty lady... the bomb will explode killing everybody.

Second Pilot    Including you.

Badger             I'll tell you where it is for a pound.

Second Pilot    Here's a pound.

Badger             I don't want Scottish money. They've got the numbers. It can be traced.

Second Pilot    One English pound. Now where's the bomb?

Badger             I can't remember.

Second Pilot    You've forgotten.

Badger             Aye, you'd better have your pound back. Oh... fingerprints.

First Pilot         Now where's the bomb?

Badger            Ah, wait a tic, wait a tic. Er, my first is in Glasgow but    

                         not in Spain, my second is in steamer but not in train, my whole is in the luggage 

                         compartment on the plane...  I'll tell you where the bomb is for a pound.

Second Pilot   It's in the luggage compartment.

Badger Right. Here's your pound..

Headphones   Is this character giving you any trouble?

First Pilot         He's just ruined this sketch.

Second Pilot   Yes, absolutely.

Headphones   Let's go on to the next one.

Badger            Wait a tic, wait a tic. No. I won't ruin your sketch for a pound.

Second Pilot   No, no.

Badger            75p.

Monty Python - Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! (or the Spanish revolution...)

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
In the early years of the 16th century, to combat the rising tide of religious unorthodoxy, the Pope gave Cardinal Ximinez of Spain leave to move without let or hindrance throughout the land, in a reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film. This was the Spanish Inquisition...

Ximinez: Now, old woman -- you are accused of heresy on three counts -- heresy by thought, heresy by word, heresy by deed, and heresy by action -- *four* counts. Do you confess?
Wilde: I don't understand what I'm accused of.
Ximinez: Ha! Then we'll make you understand! Biggles! Fetch...THE CUSHIONS!

Biggles: Here they are, lord.
Ximinez: Now, old lady -- you have one last chance. Confess the heinous sin of heresy, reject the works of the ungodly -- *two* last chances. And you shall be free -- *three* last chances. You have three last chances, the nature of which I have divulged in my previous utterance.
Wilde: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!
Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.
Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

Fang: The...Comfy Chair?

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

Ximinez: Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. Is that really all it is?
Biggles: Yes, lord.
Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess
Biggles: I confess!
Ximinez: Not you!

Monty Python - The argument clinic

Monty Python - Little Red Riding Hood

Click on View Full Size on the Glog to see the video and read the script:

Monty Python - Courtroom

Monty Python - Probe-around on crime

Monty Phyton: Almost the truth about The Life of Brian

The Python Gang reflects on their misinterpreted and controversially banned film, The Life of Brian.

Monty Python - Always look on the bright side of life

‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ was originally featured in the 1979 Python film The Life of Brian. The song takes place at the very end of the film when Brian, played by Graham Chapman, is being crucified for involvement in a kidnap plot. A character on a nearby cross, Mr Frisbee III, played by Eric Idle, attempts to cheer up Brian by singing this song, a manifestation of the British custom of keeping a 'stiff upper lip' during a crisis. Soon, the other people being crucified join in singing and whistling. The film then fades to the music.

Chanted on football terraces, featured in numerous TV montages of disgraced celebrities and even sung at funerals, ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ has been voted the U.K.’s favourite comedy song.

Cheer up, Brian, you know what they say...

Monty Python - Bavarian restaurant

Monty Python - Silly job interview

Monty Python - The restaurant sketch (The dirty fork)

Monty Python - Latin lesson

The scene of Monty Python's movie "Life Of Brian" where Brian is given a Latin lesson.

Monty Python - Language Lab

Monty Python - Cosmetic Surgery

Raymond Luxury-Yacht (pronounced Throatwobbler Mangrove) tries to get cosmetic surgery.

Michael Palin and Monty Python

Michael Palin explains the origin of the name Monty Python:


Michael Palin in the Lumberjack sketch:

MontyPython - Script Lumberjack

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Uncategorizable-Unca

Word of the week 9 -15 February 2009 SPAM

Most email users receive unwanted emails from senders with odd-sounding names offering a variety of products and services, which are also for the most part unwanted. These junk emails, sent simultaneously to thousands if not millions of computer users have been known since the early 1990s as spam.

This term appears to have nothing to do with the original word spam, which was a proprietary name for a brand of tinned meat first produced in the United States and much appreciated in the UK during World War II and the years of rationing that followed it. It is widely believed that spam originated as a short form of the words spiced ham.

How the same word came to be applied to junk email is more of a mystery. Some people attribute it to a sketch in the British cult comedy TV series Monty Python, in which a group of Vikings attempt to order food in a typical greasy spoon café in 1970s England where everything is served with spam. Perhaps like the spam in the comedy sketch spam emails are so-called because they are excessive and ultimately unwanted.

Monty Python - Court Charades

Monty Python - Mass Murder Case

The script:

Monty Python - Michaelangelo and the Pope

Monty Python - Airplane sketch

Thanks for helping me complete the script, Phil.

For more air travel humour (and a listening exercise) you can watch:
No Frills Airline Flight! on MULTIMEDIA ENGLISH CLASSROOM
http://www.multimedia-english.com/htm/listenings/2008/no-frills-airline-flight.htm