Creature Comforts Christmas

The Catherine Tate Show - Bond Boy

The Catherine Tate Show - Internet Love

Fawlty Towers - Communication problems

Eddie Izzard on Latin

Studio C - Google Translator

Mind Your Language - The First Lesson (Eng Subs)

Monty Python - Bomb on a plane

First Pilot          This is Captain MacPherson welcoming you aboard East Scottish Airways. You'll

                          have had your tea. Our destination is Glasgow. There is no need to panic.

Badger             There's a bomb on board this plane, and I'll tell you where it is for a thousand  

                          pounds.

Second Pilot    I don't believe you.

Badger             If you don't tell me where the bomb is... if I don't give you the money... Unless you 

                          give me the bomb...

Stewardess     The money.

Badger             The money, thank you, pretty lady... the bomb will explode killing everybody.

Second Pilot    Including you.

Badger             I'll tell you where it is for a pound.

Second Pilot    Here's a pound.

Badger             I don't want Scottish money. They've got the numbers. It can be traced.

Second Pilot    One English pound. Now where's the bomb?

Badger             I can't remember.

Second Pilot    You've forgotten.

Badger             Aye, you'd better have your pound back. Oh... fingerprints.

First Pilot         Now where's the bomb?

Badger            Ah, wait a tic, wait a tic. Er, my first is in Glasgow but    

                         not in Spain, my second is in steamer but not in train, my whole is in the luggage 

                         compartment on the plane...  I'll tell you where the bomb is for a pound.

Second Pilot   It's in the luggage compartment.

Badger Right. Here's your pound..

Headphones   Is this character giving you any trouble?

First Pilot         He's just ruined this sketch.

Second Pilot   Yes, absolutely.

Headphones   Let's go on to the next one.

Badger            Wait a tic, wait a tic. No. I won't ruin your sketch for a pound.

Second Pilot   No, no.

Badger            75p.

MC Hammer - U Can't stuff this

Happy Thanksgiving Day!

Turkey Day fun

The Armstrong and Miller Show - The Origin Of Baby Names

The Armstrong and Miller Show - Exam Hall Sketches

THANKS FOR VISITING THE BLOG. BEST OF LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS AND HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY!

A Bit of Fry and Laurie - A Good Night's Sleep

Smack the Pony - Insensitive English teacher

Grammar: Get it right!

Eddie Izzard - Advertising

So anyway, advertising! Yes, that’s what I brought you here to talk about! Yes, advertising… Because I’ve been looking at it, and I’ve realized that certain people in the advertising area are being paid huge wads of cash in brown bags in order to subtly adjust our minds. Because, in the old days, before the ‘50s, I don’t know, it was much more blatant, adverts were more like, “Come on, there it is! (pointing) Come on! Haven’t got all day, there it is!” And as consumers, we were, “Oh, okay, I didn’t realize! Sorry! Don’t hit me!“ (running towards the product)

Nowadays we have choice, don’t we? We’re much more choosy, and we’re much more aware of what we can buy, so adverts are more subtle, they’re the soft sell, much more like… (humming a tune and pointing discreetly at product) “Oh, look at that! Those two people like it, and they’re shagging…” That’s what happens, isn’t it? Shagging sells everything! That’s it, there’s an advert for coffee- You come around, “Cup of coffee?” “Ooh, let’s shag!” Yes! Adverts for chocolate bars, two bits of chocolate bar, one eats one, one eats the other, “Oh, let’s have a shag!” That stuff for cleaning the floor, clean the floor clean, and then you shag on the floor… Dog food, dog eats dog food… anyway… So… not sure what happens there, but…

Now, the washing area- the washing powder, washing clothes, laundry- all that kind of stuff is a very advertising-laid area, with a huge amount of adverts saying, “Wash your clothes! Wash your clothes! Oh, no, I’m gonna shag you…!” And I think if it wasn’t for the advertising, we’d probably just spray our clothes, and (smells it), “Oh, that smells okay now that I’ve sprayed it…”

Creature Comforts - Pet Hates

The Sketch Show UK - Phobias Workshop

Eddie Izzard - British vs American Movies

Anyway. So, erm... Yes. So, I... We're known in Britain for making the smaller films. Lately we've pulled out of that with Trainspotting but the smaller film, the Room With A View With A Staircase And A Pond type movie. Films with very fine acting but the drama is rather sort of subsued - subsumed? A word like that. Sub-something or another. Just sort of folded in. Everything's people opening doors:

"Oh, I'm... Oh."

"What?"

"Well, I... Oh."

"What is it, Sebastian? I'm arranging matches."

"Well, I thought you..."I'd better go."

"Yes, I think you better had."

And you can't eat popcorn to that. Whereas if the film did any bit of business in America, some decent bit of business, then Hollywood would remake it and up the budget by 50 million and it would be called The Room With A View Of Hell! Staircase Of Satan... Pond Of Death. And have people open the door:

"You're fucking in here all the time, in here with the fucking matches!

"What are you fucking doing with the fucking matches?"

"Don't talk to me that way! You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife? "You fuck my wife? You fuck my wife?"

"I am your wife."

"That don't matter. I say again. You fuck my wife?"

"All right, yes. I fucked your wife. I am your wife and I fucked her."

"Daaah, you're gonna... Fucking matches, I can't get... I'm gonna drive round town and put babies on spikes."

Thboom! Hooha-hooha-hoo. Floom! Zi-zi-zi.

"Oh, no! Space monkeys are attacking."

A whole new part of the film.

"Hoo-hoo-hoo! Whaaah!" Poom! Poom! Poom!

"Damn, it's jammed.”

"Janine? I love you, really. Even though you fucked my wife."

"A fucking handbag.With a brick in it. It's the Queen! Don't know who that is. Yeah."

We play bad guys in Hollywood movies because of the Revolutionary War. The French, who were on your side in the Revolutionary War, they play more esoteric characters. Their characters go,

"I am Pierre. I have come from Paris. I have come to have sex with your family."

"Help yourself. Because of the debt of honor to General Lafayette."

You know your own history, yeah? You don't know who he is, do you? The Spanish-American War? The French Banana War? What? Revolutionary War. Hung out with Washington. Lafayette. Street named after him in New York. We play bad guys. Take The Empire Strikes Back from the Star Wars trilogy. The Death Star, just full of British actors opening doors and going,

"Oh, l'm... Oh."

"What is it, Lieutenant Sebastian?"

"It's just the rebels, sir. They're here."

"My God, man. Do they want tea?"

"I think they're after something more than that, sir. I don't know what it is but they've brought a flag."

"Damn, that's dashed cunning of them.

"Ah, Lord Vader."

(Heavy breathing)

(Deep voice) "Hello."

He was only impressive cos he had that James Earl Jones voice.

"I am Vader. The Force is strong with you."

If he had a much more...

(Camp cockney) "Ello".

"Look, I'm Lord Vader and just pay a-bloody-ttention, all right?

"Luke, the Force is strong with you."

"Is it?"

"Yeah."

"Who told you that?"

"Some bloke.

"He said the Force is really rather strong with you."

"How strong?"

"Er, as strong as a small pony."

"That's quite strong, that is."

The film would never have fucking worked, would it? Yeah.

Nathan Fielder - Blow out